Will My Life As It Is .... Ever Be Easy

For the first time in many years, as of about 4 years ago, I really believed that I was being accepted for "who I am", my mental illness, my quirks, the complete package. My mental illness is quite obvious. There are allot of people in society today, who with medication, can live a perfectly normal life, and nobody will know that they have a mental illness. They are lucky enough to be on meds that will mask their mental illness. Unfortunate for myself, I have been pretty much resistant to just about every medication that I have been prescribed in the past 9 years or so, therefore my mental illness has not been masked; therefore it has been quite obvious to family, relatives and to society that I have a mental illness. It is almost as though it is written across my forehead "I have a mental illness", because without even saying anything, everybody already knows. Even worst, the family of the man that I married on January 20th, even shuns me because of my mental illness. It appears that all around I am not accepted for who I am, not even by my own flesh and blood - my sisters. The only ones that do accept me for the moment, is "my mom", "some my cousins" , "other individuals with mental illnesses", "of course mental health workers" and last but not least, some of the very few friends that I have.

My husband over the past 4 years that I have been with him, has made it quite clear that he does not 101% believe in the existence of mental illness. He has repeatedly said to me, that Psychiatrist and Doctors brainwash it into their patients minds enough that they have a mental illness and then their patients start to believe it; this is not the case with myself.

I do however wish that my husband was more believing of mental illness with myself. As it would make living with mental illness much easier for me on a day to day basis. Unfortunately, my mental illness has a tendency to affect my daily activities at times, so much so that I do not know up from down, and often throwing me into severe depressions for days at a time.

What I hate most, is people that know that I am vulnerable to the pushing of my buttons and they know just which buttons to push, to irritate me and to get me responsive and anger and they will be repititive at pushing my buttons, until they have succeeded at nearly pushing me over the edge. There is one line that my husband has been using with me since about the 2 year or so and that is "Bow to your master" or "Bow to your mansy" and he really thinks this is funny when he says this to me, I am sure that he does not literally mean for me to do this, but I feel when he says this, it brushes his ego a bit, for him to see that he can get me to react irrationally.

How do the Bipolar viewing audience of my blog handle when someone pushes your buttons?

Bipolar Journal ~

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